Last New Years I counted down on a beach in Key West. I kissed a boy who took my breath away and jumped into a freezing pool with all of my clothes on. I was 22 and a few years younger.
This year I stood on a 5 story rooftop in Bangladesh. I had a cup of scotch in my hand and looked over a candle-lit city. The family in a roof below me stretched out a blanket and sat in a circle sharing food, eating with their hands.
Bulbul and Neelu ran up just in time for the 30 second count down. We clinked drinks and drank to the new year and to being alive and to the countless times over the past 6 months we thought “Where am I?”
So that’s it for 2011. Nevermore.
I had my head down for most of the year studying in graduate school to finish successfully and to get a good internship. But I surfaced for a few times. In a deep red canyon in the Negev Desert in Jerusalem. On top of a mountaintop in Nepal. Seconds before salsa dancing for the entire school. Getting lost in a 3am romantic blizzard in NY. Singing on a rooftop in Baltimore with some of the greatest new friends. Pulsing and losing myself in a Girl Talk concert. These are the moments I felt awake.
I meditated, I ate sweets, I wrote down my new year resolutions and I sang Auld Lang Syne.
The greatest compliment anyone ever gave me was
“Chelsea, you know how to bring the sanctity to the commonplace and to create your own celebration.”
And that’s all I can hope to do for the rest of my life. I’m here in a country that doesn’t understand my traditions or celebrate my holidays but I’ve learned to observe them to myself.
Isn’t that the answer?
2012: Bring the happiness and holiness to ourselves because we’re the only ones who will be there until the end.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
My new little friends
I was walking home from work the other day and I realized I was being followed. 5 little girls were walking at short distance following my pace, giggling and looking away every time I turned back. They caught up to me.
"Hello. What is your name?"
"My name is Chelsea! What is your name?"
"Hello. What is your name?"
"Amar Nam Chelsea."
They followed me all the way home.
"Hello. What is your name?"
I ran into the house and got them all these little toys a friend shipped to me. They are tiny pills and when submerged in water turn into a dinosaur play thing.
I gave one to each girl and explained what to do with them in Bangla.
"Put it in water and wait. Then...magic!"
The next day the girls met me at the office rushing up and exclaiming
"Dinosaur! Rawwr!"
We are now very good friends.
"Hello what is your name?"
This is a video of me walking home from the office. You can see my little friends.
"Hello. What is your name?"
"My name is Chelsea! What is your name?"
"Hello. What is your name?"
"Amar Nam Chelsea."
They followed me all the way home.
"Hello. What is your name?"
I ran into the house and got them all these little toys a friend shipped to me. They are tiny pills and when submerged in water turn into a dinosaur play thing.
I gave one to each girl and explained what to do with them in Bangla.
"Put it in water and wait. Then...magic!"
The next day the girls met me at the office rushing up and exclaiming
"Dinosaur! Rawwr!"
We are now very good friends.
"Hello what is your name?"
This is a video of me walking home from the office. You can see my little friends.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Package!
My mom sent me a package! With twizzlers, swedish fish, party decorations, burts bees creams, and hair products!!
I'm still homesick. And scared. And a bit sad.
But tomorrow I'm going to wake up early, throw aside this cold I have, and go for a walk. Then I will work all day, even though it's a weekend, work out, and bring in this new year right.
Just watch me.
I'm still homesick. And scared. And a bit sad.
But tomorrow I'm going to wake up early, throw aside this cold I have, and go for a walk. Then I will work all day, even though it's a weekend, work out, and bring in this new year right.
Just watch me.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Oh, oh then suddenly you know you’re never going home
I’ve been here for 6 months.
I’ve been working hard. Learning about myself. Figuring things out. It’s so simple to live out here. I feel simplified. But it can get very lonely.
I miss my friends and my family. I miss living in a place where I could say “Do you want to grab some dinner? I’ll meet you at the coffee shop. Let’s get dressed up and go dancing!” What I would DO to get dressed up in a little dress and heels and go to a bar.
On the other hand I've been to Nepal, just got back from Bangkok, and am heading to China next week...
And I’m doing something of substance. Thank god. I love my job and I love how I feel about myself and the woman I’m becoming.
But my family had Christmas without me this year. My ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. My room is being subletted by a stranger. And most of my friends overseas are now back in America.
I’m afraid when I go back that it’ll be like I’m from somewhere else, just visiting. That I’ve changed faster than the things I’ve left behind.
“Oh, oh then suddenly you know you’re never going home.”
Asalam Walaikum,
Chelsea
I’ve been working hard. Learning about myself. Figuring things out. It’s so simple to live out here. I feel simplified. But it can get very lonely.
I miss my friends and my family. I miss living in a place where I could say “Do you want to grab some dinner? I’ll meet you at the coffee shop. Let’s get dressed up and go dancing!” What I would DO to get dressed up in a little dress and heels and go to a bar.
On the other hand I've been to Nepal, just got back from Bangkok, and am heading to China next week...
And I’m doing something of substance. Thank god. I love my job and I love how I feel about myself and the woman I’m becoming.
But my family had Christmas without me this year. My ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. My room is being subletted by a stranger. And most of my friends overseas are now back in America.
I’m afraid when I go back that it’ll be like I’m from somewhere else, just visiting. That I’ve changed faster than the things I’ve left behind.
“Oh, oh then suddenly you know you’re never going home.”
Asalam Walaikum,
Chelsea
Christmas in Bangladesh
Christmas in Bangladesh. A country I was thankful wouldn’t gag me with the Holiday but also a country who wouldn’t notice it. I would have to make my own sanctity.
Christmas Eve Day I set out into town to get into the festive spirit. It was a crisp day and I wore a wool hat. All along the road are used clothes lined out for sale. I looked through the piles skeptically. Most of the clothes you would need to burn before wearing, but I found a big sweater that could be of use.
I wound around the market looking for treasures. Really wanted a pair of warm slippers but couldn’t find any. Wanted to find a silver toe ring, but couldn’t find one. Not even in the silver market. I did however find: hair gel (I’ve decided to start doing my hair here instead of always throwing it back into a bun. Every time I leave my hair out the girls at work fall over themselves to tell me I look good. I get the point.),a pencil holder, a new water jug which I plan to decorate and give to the office (ours used to be pink and is now brown…).
I tried out my Bangla on this outing and I was surprisingly competent! So fun. All around me I heard not-so-soft-whispers “America…girl…america…” Rock star.
I went to the food market and found and purchased: 10 bars of Cadbury chocolate, 3 snickers bars, some ginger tea, sparkling apple cider, and a box of cocoa powder. A Christmas miracle.
For Christmas Eve dinner we had delicious fish curry and roast chicken masala.
I was invited to a Christmas Eve party at my mom’s house and at 7am on my Christmas morning I was skyped in and served an e-Brandy Alexander. It didn’t occur to me to change out of my pajamas because it was the first thing in the morning. But I soon realized that I was on the big screen at a party.
I was sitting up in bed with my headphone, earphone contraption. “Chel you look…kind of like Stephan Hawking.”
“No she kind of looks like Christopher Reeves.”
“Jesus Chel, couldn’t you have put on some clothes?” Said my sister.
It was kind of like showing up to a party naked.
Next time everyone is in their pajamas, I’m going to skype in and be wearing a wedding dress.
I was working Christmas Day but was simultaneously downloading The Holiday on my computer.
My mom and sister woke up and skyped me in for their Christmas morning. I was propped up on a table so that I could see Fiona open her presents. It was so crazy, like being there. I opened up my bottle of apple cider and celebrated.
I was expecting the worst this holiday. Many of my friends who were doing their internship and e-supporting me with their own experience have since returned to the US. It’s been tough losing those time zone comrades.
I really miss my family and “normalcy.” But a part of me felt like I was there for my family because of Skype. Skype: “The Whole World Can Talk For Free.”
For my own Christmas I made some hot chocolate with the cocoa powder and Neelu and I curled up with our heaters and watched The Holiday. Jude Law, you can be my Christmas present any day of the year.
My Christmas almost ended perfectly until Family Drama walked in and shook me around a bit. I’m still pretty dizzy.
It’s all good. Angst does wonders for my skin.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
This holiday was brought to you by Skype.
~Chelsea
Christmas Eve Day I set out into town to get into the festive spirit. It was a crisp day and I wore a wool hat. All along the road are used clothes lined out for sale. I looked through the piles skeptically. Most of the clothes you would need to burn before wearing, but I found a big sweater that could be of use.
I wound around the market looking for treasures. Really wanted a pair of warm slippers but couldn’t find any. Wanted to find a silver toe ring, but couldn’t find one. Not even in the silver market. I did however find: hair gel (I’ve decided to start doing my hair here instead of always throwing it back into a bun. Every time I leave my hair out the girls at work fall over themselves to tell me I look good. I get the point.),a pencil holder, a new water jug which I plan to decorate and give to the office (ours used to be pink and is now brown…).
I tried out my Bangla on this outing and I was surprisingly competent! So fun. All around me I heard not-so-soft-whispers “America…girl…america…” Rock star.
I went to the food market and found and purchased: 10 bars of Cadbury chocolate, 3 snickers bars, some ginger tea, sparkling apple cider, and a box of cocoa powder. A Christmas miracle.
For Christmas Eve dinner we had delicious fish curry and roast chicken masala.
I was invited to a Christmas Eve party at my mom’s house and at 7am on my Christmas morning I was skyped in and served an e-Brandy Alexander. It didn’t occur to me to change out of my pajamas because it was the first thing in the morning. But I soon realized that I was on the big screen at a party.
I was sitting up in bed with my headphone, earphone contraption. “Chel you look…kind of like Stephan Hawking.”
“No she kind of looks like Christopher Reeves.”
“Jesus Chel, couldn’t you have put on some clothes?” Said my sister.
It was kind of like showing up to a party naked.
Next time everyone is in their pajamas, I’m going to skype in and be wearing a wedding dress.
I was working Christmas Day but was simultaneously downloading The Holiday on my computer.
My mom and sister woke up and skyped me in for their Christmas morning. I was propped up on a table so that I could see Fiona open her presents. It was so crazy, like being there. I opened up my bottle of apple cider and celebrated.
I was expecting the worst this holiday. Many of my friends who were doing their internship and e-supporting me with their own experience have since returned to the US. It’s been tough losing those time zone comrades.
I really miss my family and “normalcy.” But a part of me felt like I was there for my family because of Skype. Skype: “The Whole World Can Talk For Free.”
For my own Christmas I made some hot chocolate with the cocoa powder and Neelu and I curled up with our heaters and watched The Holiday. Jude Law, you can be my Christmas present any day of the year.
My Christmas almost ended perfectly until Family Drama walked in and shook me around a bit. I’m still pretty dizzy.
It’s all good. Angst does wonders for my skin.
Merry Christmas Everyone!
This holiday was brought to you by Skype.
~Chelsea
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A Day in the Life
I decided to document a day in my life. Carried a pen and a little book around with me and wrote down my actions/thoughts as the day went on.
Morning starts with the bathroom shakedown. Brush my teeth, wash my face etc. all while shaking so the 20+ mosquitoes in my bathroom don’t land on me. I’ve gotten quite skillful at not poking my eye out when I try to put in my contacts.
Making coffee in the morning has to be done equally fast so the water being poured into the machine doesn’t catch a mosquito.
I wrap myself in several layers of clothing, a scarf, and a hat. It’s fifty degrees right now in Gaibandha and we live in buildings built to reduce heat in the sweltering summers.
I eat my breakfast, pack my coffee, and walk to work. The fog was so thick this morning that I spent a good portion of my walk hypothesizing why that was. Is it because it’s getting colder so the warmth of the life below is creating a faster condensation rate? Or are there more cook stoves going that release particulate matter into the air because people want more hot breakfasts during the cold? I almost fell into a pothole and decided to stop thinking.
I settle into work with my coffee, answer emails, read the news headlines and begin my day. A wave of nausea overcame me and didn’t leave for most of the day. So it goes.
Today I’m working on a paper about evil spirits. I’m reading through 3,700 infant verbal autopsies to find instances where mothers talk about the evil spirits that have killed their children. Thousands of detailed descriptions of the symptoms their children had right before they died. Gruesome examples of Shamans telling the mothers to beat the child to get rid of the evil spirit.
I can’t get through I’ll Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab without tearing up. Does anyone second that? I’ve disallowed myself to listen to any more sad music while reading these interviews. Only angry music like The Clash. Or Alanis Morisette.
During lunch I mix half a cup of cold water with half a cup of boiling water. This trick is the best thing that ever happened to me. I eat steaming hot vegetables and rice, a piece of fish and some hot Dhal I pour into a bowl and drink like soup.
I found a store that sells tootsie pops in Dhaka and I bought the man out. I keep them in my desk and every day after lunch I eat one. It’s the little things.
At 6pm I go home and meet my Bangla teacher. I use my cellphone to light the pitch black walk. My Bangla teaches me with stories and Bangla dramas. It’s incredibly effective. He always brings in a question to ask me before we start my lesson. “What does ‘beat it’ mean in the Michael Jackson song?” Today he asked me “What does ‘I’m a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World’ mean?”
I ate dinner and made tea and settled into my bed. I read my book interrupted every once in a while by the dance of the power outages.
Good night!
Morning starts with the bathroom shakedown. Brush my teeth, wash my face etc. all while shaking so the 20+ mosquitoes in my bathroom don’t land on me. I’ve gotten quite skillful at not poking my eye out when I try to put in my contacts.
Making coffee in the morning has to be done equally fast so the water being poured into the machine doesn’t catch a mosquito.
I wrap myself in several layers of clothing, a scarf, and a hat. It’s fifty degrees right now in Gaibandha and we live in buildings built to reduce heat in the sweltering summers.
I eat my breakfast, pack my coffee, and walk to work. The fog was so thick this morning that I spent a good portion of my walk hypothesizing why that was. Is it because it’s getting colder so the warmth of the life below is creating a faster condensation rate? Or are there more cook stoves going that release particulate matter into the air because people want more hot breakfasts during the cold? I almost fell into a pothole and decided to stop thinking.
I settle into work with my coffee, answer emails, read the news headlines and begin my day. A wave of nausea overcame me and didn’t leave for most of the day. So it goes.
Today I’m working on a paper about evil spirits. I’m reading through 3,700 infant verbal autopsies to find instances where mothers talk about the evil spirits that have killed their children. Thousands of detailed descriptions of the symptoms their children had right before they died. Gruesome examples of Shamans telling the mothers to beat the child to get rid of the evil spirit.
I can’t get through I’ll Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab without tearing up. Does anyone second that? I’ve disallowed myself to listen to any more sad music while reading these interviews. Only angry music like The Clash. Or Alanis Morisette.
During lunch I mix half a cup of cold water with half a cup of boiling water. This trick is the best thing that ever happened to me. I eat steaming hot vegetables and rice, a piece of fish and some hot Dhal I pour into a bowl and drink like soup.
I found a store that sells tootsie pops in Dhaka and I bought the man out. I keep them in my desk and every day after lunch I eat one. It’s the little things.
At 6pm I go home and meet my Bangla teacher. I use my cellphone to light the pitch black walk. My Bangla teaches me with stories and Bangla dramas. It’s incredibly effective. He always brings in a question to ask me before we start my lesson. “What does ‘beat it’ mean in the Michael Jackson song?” Today he asked me “What does ‘I’m a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World’ mean?”
I ate dinner and made tea and settled into my bed. I read my book interrupted every once in a while by the dance of the power outages.
Good night!
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