A letter to my mom

2012, Age 23, Gaibandha Bangladesh

Dear Lisa,

I am sitting at the long conference table at my work.  I like it better here than my office sometimes because it's quiet, and I can spread out all of my papers on the table around me.  The door to the balcony is open behind me and I can hear rickshaws and rain.  I am drinking this stupid little cup of coffee.  But it's filled with delicious and precious Starbucks instant coffee.

For lunch I had a small piece of chicken soaked in deeply spicy curry, white rice, mixed green vegetables and a garlicky, soupy dhal.  I often drink my dhal in a bowl like soup.

I have an excel spread of all my tasks and goals and deadlines.  It's color coded.  I work through them systematically, often switching between jobs to keep life spicy.

I'll stay at work until 6pm and then take a rickshaw or a car home.  It will get dark around six and the sun will be large and low in the sky.  Every stand will be filled with people stopping on their way home for a cup of sweet cha tea.  The blacksmiths will still be at work and every time they strike metal the sparks will light up the night around them.  Grocery stalls will be lit by their candles and will be pushing people to buy the bananas that might go bad before morning.

I'll go home, do 1/2 an hour of P90X workout videos WHICH ARE CHANGING MY LIFE, and take a shower.  It's a hot shower if I remember to flip the switch to heat the water 20 minutes in advance.  On  Mondays and Wednesdays my Bangla tutor comes to meet me at our house.   Jahangir, our cook, brings him up a tray of tea and biscuits and for an hour we talk in Bangla, learn new grammar rules and vocab, and listen to audio recordings of children's stories that he recorded for us.

He leaves and Jahangir will ring the dinner bell.  Which is really the emergency bell.  We all will sit at one big table and eat more dhal, rice, vegetables, and chicken, mutton or fish.  I like the fish the best.  Even though it often chokes me with its small bones.  After dinner we'll make some tea and sit around talking.  I take my tea upstairs with me and watch a movie or play a video game.  Lately I've been obsessed with watching National Geographic and Planet Earth.  I find them so calming.  I bought a whole bag of them up in Dhaka and am now working my way through "SHARK WEEK."  Sometimes I'll play the guitar.

I'll often reach into my stash and eat a few treats from your package.  I'm ridiculously hoarding them and savoring only a few morsels every night.  Last night was 2 ginger cookies and some chips and dip.  The chips are beyond stale but are you kidding me?  I don't care not one bit.  It's the small things that are precious.

Miss you and love you so damn much.

Asalam Walaikum,

Chelsea