Tuesday, September 13, 2011

'Round and 'Round

The IRB came back with questions. Again. And Again. And again again. And I can’t start my project until they say “go” and then I have to submit it to the Bangladesh IRB. Which will take another few weeks. Although they are open to speedier turn around with some sweet lovin’. Unfortunately I don’t have any lovin’s to give. And all this waiting makes me feel like another white putz in a brown country without a purpose.

But secretly, the thing that really gets me: My project takes 5 months. And I haven’t even started yet. I was only supposed to be here until January. Now it’s looking like mid March. And who knows? I once knew a doctor who was supposed to be here for a year and stayed for 8. The fact that my plane ticket is “negotiable” scares me. Not in the melodramatic “will I ever leave this heart of darkness” type way but when it’s coming on Christmas and I’m not chopping down trees and instead I have 3+ months instead of the anticipated 1…

I called my mom to tell her of my frustrations and fears.

“I’m really frustrated ma,”
“It’s just I don’t like not knowing my future, it really scares me.”
“I can’t hear you. Speak Louder. You’re breaking up, some kind of background noise.”
“It’s just that—“ “WHAAA?!”
“Forget it ma.”

But for now I’m really enjoying it here. Muzi, Bulbul and I went up to the roof and split Chinese moon cakes and celebrated the full moon. I howled like a wolf. There was no reply.

Asalam Walaikum,

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